Dark Chocolate Fudge

Dark! All-encompassing, eternal darkness! Human eyes cannot penetrate the stygian blackness of this unholy confection!

more at McSweeney’s

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Trying to post from web again.

First time failed – removed newest event plugin.

Looks to have cleared it up. Events created an Events page, which got deleted.. Weird because they were xposted fine. oh well. carry on.

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I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. They’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. Then we assign a word to a thought and we’re stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words.

I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them.

There are some people that are not into all the words. There are some that would have you not use certain words. There are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7 of them you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to 7. They must really be bad. They’d have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here,you

7 Bad Words. That’s what they told us they were, remember?

“That’s a bad word!” No bad words, bad thoughts, bad intentions, and words. You know the 7, don’t you, that you can’t say on television?

“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cock Sucker, Mother Fucker, and Tits”

Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that’ll infect your soul, curve your spine, and keep the country from winning the war.

“Shit, Piss, Fuck, Cunt, Cock Sucker, Mother Fucker, and Tits”

Wow! …and Tits doesn’t even belong on the list. That is such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? “Hey, Tits, come here, man. Hey Tits, meet Toots. Toots, Tits. Tits, Toots.” It sounds like a snack, doesn’t it? Yes, I know, it is a snack. I don’t mean your sexist snack. I mean New Nabisco Tits!, and new Cheese Tits, Corn Tits, Pizza Tits, Sesame Tits, Onion Tits, Tater Tits. “Betcha Can’t Eat Just One.” That’s true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list.

Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I’m not completely insensitive to people’s feelings. I can understand why some of those words got on the list, like Cock Sucker and Mother Fucker. Those are heavyweight words. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling.

I mean, they’re just busy words. There’s a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you like “coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer. coCKsuCKer, motherfuCKer.”

It’s like an assualt on you. We mentioned Shit earlier, and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are Piss and Cunt, which go together of course. A little accidental humor there. The reason that Piss and Cunt are on the list is because a long time ago, there were certain ladies that said “Those are the 2 I am not going to say. I don’t mind Fuck and Shit but ‘P’ and ‘C’ are out.”, which led to such stupid sentences as “Okay you fuckers, I’m going to tinkle now.”

And, of course, the word Fuck. I don’t really, well that’s more accidental humor, I don’t wanna get into that now because I think it takes to long. But I do mean that. I think the word Fuck is a very important word. It is the beginning of life, yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. People much wiser than I am said, “I’d rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another. I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentence. I wish I knew who said it first. I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I’d like to substitute the word Fuck for the word Kill in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. “Okay, Sherrif, we’re gonna Fuck you now, but we’re gonna Fuck you slow.”

So maybe next year I’ll have a whole fuckin’ ramp on the N word.

I hope so. Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any circumstances. You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not even clinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc, and Ed, and Johnny. I mean, it is just impossible. Forget those 7. They’re out.

But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words. Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? “…And the cock CROWED 3 times” “Hey, tha cock CROWED 3 times. ha ha ha ha. Hey, it’s in the bible. ha ha ha ha. There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for Kirk Youdi to say “Roberto Clametti has 2 balls on him.”, but he can’t say “I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don’t you? He’s holding them. He must’ve hurt them, by God.” and the other 2-way word that goes with that one is Prick. It’s okay if it happens to your finger. You can prick your finger but don’t finger your prik. No, no.

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via christopher575

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Germany beat Poland 2-0 in their first round Euro 2008 game. Lakers are the (slight) favorite in tonight’s game 2. The sun is shining. Rode/walked my bike down on the waterfront. Watched some dragonboat races.

And yet, altogether, its a pretty crappy day.

(edit: nope lakers lost which pretty much sealed the deal on crappiness)

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Yes. Its bad. Really bad. But its that “so bad its good” type of movie.

Its also, amazingly, the source of so many quotes I find still use in semi-regular conversation.

Laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy.

No, no, no, don’t tug on that. You never know what it might be attached to.

Remember, no matter where you go, there you are.

Evil pure and simple by way of the Eighth Dimension!

Plus, all the great quotes I forgot…

Lithium is no longer available on credit.

You’re like Jerry Lewis, you give me hope to carry on, then you leave me in the lurch while you strap on your six-guns…

Of course, I’m now inspired to rewatch other great 80s movie quote mines such as Breakfast Club and Valley Girl. And yes, I am aware of the risk to my sanity… Its going to be a long night.

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The theme song in Italian. via The Merc

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via Cracked

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Great take away quote:

Sure, Generation X survived AIDS, Reagan, the Cold War, Tipper Gore, and A Flock of Seagulls, but those adversities, suggest Strauss and Howe, pale in comparison to what Millennials face today. Consider the stress of having to juggle a 30-hour work week while simultaneously maintaining Facebook, MySpace, and Flickr accounts. It’s enough to make your head spin!

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